you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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