just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
