You really coming over, don't trick.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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