White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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