It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
