Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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