What a fucking waste of an outfit
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
is wine microwaveable?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
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