The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
