the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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