I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
