If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I haven't been this sober since birth.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
