she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
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