Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
