You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize