why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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