My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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