Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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