You're my little dorito
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
