no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
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