there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
