Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize