I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
