I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
Randomize
