Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
