...so i touched it.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
