the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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