For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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