He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
