my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
