I hate your face
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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