I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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