Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
