Are we in a gay sports bar?
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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