Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
