broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
