Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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