Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You ruined the universe
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
