and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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