jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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