he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
my sisters under your porch take her home
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Randomize
