She's JV to your varsity
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
