my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
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