I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
