Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
