and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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