Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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