I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
