Your dad touched me again.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
