I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
