Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize