I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
