margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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