if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
