Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
