i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
