As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
