i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
