Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
