YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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