she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize