so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
