I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
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