im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
