i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize