It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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