Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
