doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We are two peas in an std pod
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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