first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
How naked do you want me to be?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
