I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
