I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
