ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just want nice things and good sex
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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