Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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