Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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