I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
