Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Every concussion has its silver lining
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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