You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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