So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Small penises have feelings too.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
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