dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
