I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
