you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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