Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
