Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
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