When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
