I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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