she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
