Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
