apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize
